xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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