He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
