Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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