your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize