i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
