Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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