he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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