so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
