i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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