he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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