can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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