Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize