Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
