I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So much rum. So many feels.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
