No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
