nut hugger
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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