bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
