we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
