I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
