I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
