Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
