How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
