I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
