I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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