She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
