He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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