No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
