We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
