hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
