Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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