Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
