Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
