There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
