i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
