i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
