did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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