he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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