why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
