I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
