I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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