He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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