Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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