Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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