Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
