apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i will never coherently bang her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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