I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
