i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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