Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
