just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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