Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
