The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
