Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
