I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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