We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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