well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
