I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
