just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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