threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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