she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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