thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
