Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
