Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
