who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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