I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize