if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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