Yo dont text me then not text me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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