is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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