Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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