3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
