i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize