you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
