You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
